Editor: nique x3
Edmund

Something is just not right...


It's gonna be freaking 3am soon and here I'm typing away. My eyes are a little tired but I still don't feel sleepy yet. This few days, I'd been finding it hard to sleep. Even when my eyes are tired. It's like I will lie on my bed, hoping that drowsiness will drift me off to dreamland soon, but the 'soon' never occurs. My head will always be spinning with unnecessary thoughts that always make me a little depressed or lost. Sometimes if I'm lucky, I'll be knocked out in 30mins. If I'm not, I'll be flipping from one side of my body to the other for about an hour or two. That sucks. So when I'm not lucky, my brain is bombarded for that hour or so and I feel very pressurized. It feels as if my head is gonna explode any minute. (I'm suddenly reminded of the movie 'Mars Attack' where all the aliens head went bursting when they hear this particular song. Lol.)


I tried to relax myself many times but the solutions I used was all temporary. When it ceased to work, the pressure in my head will just resurface again. I'd tried methods like counting sheep, thinking of happier stuffs, reading, keeping myself busy, doing stuff that I enjoyed, but none of them work. I even changed my lifestyle by exercising, eating more veggie and sleeping earlier. But there is still this lingering feeling of lost surrounding me every now and then. It seems like the true happiness in me is seeping away from me slowly. I'm feeling more like a zombie or maybe an empty body without a soul with each passing day.


Nope. I'm not suffering from depression. I'm sure of it. I'm just feeling that that is something missing in my life. Wait, let me rephrase that sentence again. I'm feeling that there is something that went missing in my life. I used to feel complete but right now I can feel the emptiness. I need to find that missing piece, but I'm not sure what that missing piece is.


I used to think that the missing piece started to disappear since that incident occurred. But I guess that is not the main culprit cause I'd already gotten over the incident. Or maybe not completely enough? I don't know. Each new day seems like a new dream. A dream of nothingness. Nothing to hope for. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to be happy for. Nothing to be sad for. A passing day is just another day.


I guessed I'm tired out by the same old routine of living. I just need some time to reflect on myself and the time to create for myself the right potion. Yeah. Most probably. Anyway on a lighter note, I'd finished all the 558 chapters of 'Inuyasha'. Guess that should be something I should be happy? Lol.








What done cannot be undone. So the only thing that is left to do is to mend things back to how it was in the past as perfectly as possible, even with the knowing that it will never be the same as the original.